OK, so this was going to be an IPL rant. Two things have changed that – firstly, it seems quite easy to have a pop at it. Instead of “tea breaks” there are “Time Outs” and “DLF Maximums” have replaced well run twos. Finding fault with that is just too damn easy. Secondly, I have actually quite enjoyed the bits of it I have seen. Granted, it is the “American Pie” to test match crickets “Shawshank Redemption”, but if you treat it as such it can be a decent couple of hours of fun. Here are the best bits so far:
Jaques Kallis
When I saw VVS Laxman playing ugly hoick after ugly hoick, I wanted to cry. It felt like watching “Dumbo” when the circus director makes the baby elephant become a clown – “he can do so much more than that!” I wanted to scream at the television. It was distinctly uncomfortable viewing.
Yet, on the flip side was Jacques Kallis. Now, big Jacques is hardly the most popular man in world cricket. But watching him manoeuvre the all around in this format has been one of the great pleasures so far. Normally, to watch a Kallis masterclass you have to sacrifice 10 hours of your life. Now, we can watch him knock up leisurely 80 in a lunch break. Suddenly, a guy dropped from the national side for batting too slowly 3 years ago has become the best player in the IPL. Apparently, you can teach an old dog new tricks.
The Mongoose
Not for the alleged big hitting that it now gives him. Imagine a troll who has had his club removed and replaced with a bunch of flowers, and that is a pretty good representation of how big Haydos looks grasping his mini bat. It is almost impossible to take him seriously, even when he is hoofing the ball into orbit. Surely 10 extra metres and a zero on the end of his paycheck isn’t worth this?
Cut Down to Size
Exhibit A – Shane Warne sees his star-studded side get thumped everywhere by a vicious Yusuf Pathan. Never one to go over the top, Warne casually calls it the best innings he has ever seen.
Exhibit B – Days later, someone bowls a bouncer at him and realises he doesn’t have a clue what is going on. Not many players get the opportunity to get tall flower syndrome in the IPL – watching a player get built up then quickly knocked down is the basis of English sport as a whole, which may be why it strikes such a chord.
Typical England
England players love to give their selectors a headache. Outcasts Ravi Bopara and Owais Shah have bashed the ball around with gay abandon, looking for all the world like seasoned pros. Meanwhile, amongst the players who actually might get a game for England, Michael Lumb has looked out of his depth, Mascerenhas is now injured, and Eoin Morgan has done a bit of general fielding before watching everyone else have a bat. Allegedly, Graham Napier is with a franchise too, although I refuse to actually believe this. No wonder Andy Flower is losing his hair.
The TV Coverage
Wherever it is, it is of course horrendous. Yet bear with it, and it is horrendously brilliant. In India, Ravi Shastri does an excellent turn as the slightly unhinged uncle, while Robin Jackman waxes lyrical about the state of the outfield to anyone who will listen. Back in England, awkward looking presenters talk to even more awkward looking studio guests. The best bit of analysis so far? Clive Lloyd suggesting that the Royal Challengers were “in a strong position to win this game” against the Royals. At the time, Bangalore needed 8 runs to win from 11 overs with 10 wickets in hand. Thank God for the ex-pros to keep us mere mortals informed!
Super Overs
For the man who is bored by the middle overs of a T20, although admittedly with all the fussing around with field changes, interviews and bat changes a One1 seems to take about an hour to complete. Most hilariously, both sides actually struggled to see out the over. Dumbing down cricket? Probably. Great fun? Certainly.
Mixing it Up
What makes the Premier League boring is the brain-numbing inevitability of it all. Man United or Chelsea will win, maybe Aresnal or Liverpool will challenge if they mess up. The IPL has no such problem. Rajasthan have gone from champions to laughing stocks in two short seasons. Meanwhile, the Knight Riders have gone the other way. The best reason anyone can come up with for this? Why, the fact that they have changed their kits of course. Ah, sod it – you’ve got to love the IPL.
The Blockhole 