Because patting players on the back for doing well is no fun at all.
Mitchell Johnson and Steven Finn seemed to have the monopoly on this one with their “bowl at long leg” tactics, but they fell pathetically short of the mark by bowling balls that actually reached the wicketkeeper without rolling. Ben Hilfenhaus seemed too one-dimensional throughout the series. Then we saw his second dimension and realised why he hid it.
A decent selection, and not just from Aussies to be fair. Kevin Pietersen’s “curtain rail poke” at Perth was pretty abysmal, but is easily beaten into second place by the cricketing abomination that is Steven Smith’s pull shot. Uglier than a Peter Siddle snarl.
An honorable mention to the furore over Jimmy Anderson having a family, but miles ahead in the distance is the @theashes story. A story which began about a woman who knew nothing about cricket and ended with a woman who still knew nothing about cricket being flown over to watch the cricket that millions of people who did like the cricket had to watch at 3 o clock in the bloody morning huddled under the duvet because of the Antarctic conditions outside. Yes, I am jealous. But listening to her telling her “story” to Aggers was the final straw.
Yes, Ian Botham was crass. But this award goes to The Blockhole who, having watched Strauss bash the third ball of the series straight to gully, came up with the following gem;
“Oh balls. 0/1, and the Aussies haven’t even got our gimme wicket first up yet.”
Sorry Alastair. I will never doubt you again.
Well done Mr. Cook. You have had the best Ashes series by an Englishman since Wally Hammond. Now for your prize. A rubbish perspex bat with Vodafone stamped all over it, and a 24 hour flight home sitting next to Monty Panesar. See you in May.