So now we actually get to watch it, and now there are actually some of our players in it, it turns out that the English don’t actually mind the IPL. The over the top chutzpah that so infuriated us is in fact rather fun if we feel like we are involved. It even goes on for far too long, which is how cricket should be. It can’t be too long before we see the Mongoose unleashed at Taunton or a trumpet ring out at Canterbury. Yet there are still some grey areas which seem to be bugging people. With tongue firmly in cheek, let’s fix them.
If some wally wants to go out with half a bat, let them I say. However, the murmuring that this is somehow unfair on the bowlers won’t go away. The Mongoose is a smaller bat which allegedly makes it easier to hit the ball miles. Therefore, every time the batsman calls for his Mongoose, the bowler can call for a Cobra ball. This is a ball double the size, but double the weight as well. Let’s see Haydos belt that one for 6 from chin high while holding what looks like the stubby end of a pool cue.
I don’t really know what a tactical time out is, or why you would need one. I like to imagine that they might be a Phil Brown style rant, so let’s show this rather than another advert for a mobile phone I have never heard of. Stephen Fleming in front of a whiteboard bellowing at Doug Bolinger for bowling a long hop is my kind of entertainment. Get Sharpies to sponsor the whiteboard, and everyone is a winner.
Seemingly an attempt to turn cricket into the Tour de France. If you are going to do it, do it properly. Get the leading batsman and bowler wearing proper crowns while they play. The idea of seeing Jaques Kallis play a perfect drive through the covers while wearing a gold crown pleases me. Not only that, it brings out the gentleman and amateur history, which is bound to cheer up the old duffers.
Poor old Ian Bishop. He has to commentate on a game that he sounds endlessly bored by. The only time he really gets animated is when a bowler oversteps, allowing a free hit. “It’s too far!” he moans. “The game is too lenient to the batsman!”. Chin up Bish. Every ugly hack which the batsman fails to connect with, the bowler gets a “free aim”. No batsman, but no keeper either so if you miss the stumps, it goes for 4. The umpire gets final say on what is “ugly” – to ensure fairness, Paul Collingwood is exempt from this rule.
All ideas copyrighted to me.